"Not a Real Cuban?"

Dear Readers:

Yesterday I received this email from Ana, a Cuban-born American woman. Like other Cuban-Americans with whom I have come in contact, she feels like a woman without a country- too American to be Cuban, but away from the land of her birth, and she feels alone in her situation.  I assured her she is not alone.  I am publishing this so that others who may feel the same way will share their feelings with this lovely woman.

Claudia,

I wanted to thank you for making the bracelets available, I have ordered 10 for family and friends. I wanted to see if there was a way to start some type of communication with other Cuban Americans that aren't living in the Miami or other locations where there are Cubans around? I came here with my family in 1965 at the age of six. My father moved to Staunton, VA and we never grew up around Cuban families. As young children we quickly learned English with no hint of a Spanish accent. However, in the home we always spoke Spanish and kept many of our Cuban traditions (such as Noche Buena and Cuban food). My father passed away 22 years ago and I just recently lost my mom who had always lived close to me. It is as if my last "Cuban" connection is gone. My parents were only children and all we really have left are some distant relatives in Cuba. One of those relatives is a cousin of my dad's who is also my Godmother. I write to her often but it's not the same as actually "being" close by.

Recently I was in Orlando and had the opportunity to speak Spanish with some people from Miami. One lady I spoke with, her dad was from Cuba and her mom from Puerto Rico. She was born in Miami and speaks English with a Spanish accent and has 2 children who speak English with less of a Spanish accent, but one non the less. What really surprised me was that this women started telling me that I wasn't "really" Cuban and that I was more American. Now, don't get me wrong, I am very proud of my American citizenship and what it means to live in this country with all the freedoms and opportunities that are available to us. My parents gave up everything, split our family up, and had to start over again (my dad was 45, a physician in Cuba and returned to to Medical school and became a Psychiatrist)in order for us to live in the best country in the world. They never forgot Cuba and always made that a part of our lives, however they never came here with the intent of ever going back. They knew that Castro would last and my father said he would never uproot his family again. Instead they raised us knowing this was our "new" country and they both became US citizens as soon as it was legally allowed. Now, back to this women and several others with her that agreed with what she said. How am I any less "CUBAN" than any other Cuban that came here in exile, leaving their families, their homes and their memories behind. How am I any less Cuban because I don't speak English with a Spanish accent because I don't speak Spanish using any of the "newer slang" terms, because I may dress more conservatively (I live in Virginia), because I have Hazel eyes and have also been told "I don't look Cuban", because I "act American", because I consider the US my home, because I cook American meals most of the time (when I cook at all), because all my friends are Americans and the list goes on and on! I think in the past it hasn't really bothered me when I was told things like this but having recently lost my mom, my one constant connection to who I really am, the person who would always be there to cook some arroz con pollo or congri when I needed my Cuban fix, she is gone. I have 2 sisters but they are the same as me so here we are, not really true Americans but obviously from what I am being told, not really Cuban.

I am writing you this because you aren't Cuban and I wanted some feedback.

Thanks for letting me vent! If you know of any other Cubans out there like me, can you let me know?

Thanks,

Ana

Comments

[Laura]

Ana,

You are as Cuban as your heart tells you you are. I was not born in Cuba, and I've had several discussions with my family that I am not in fact Cuban, yet, I am not just American. But asked any given day, I say "100% Cuban". It's what I relate to. I am currently living in Gainesville, FL pursuing a degree, and I couldn't understand you more regarding the lack of Cuban connection (and I am truly sorry for your loss). BUT, you will always be Cuban, not matter what happened after that. An accent is not a determinant of culture, features nor clothes are a determinant. You were raised Cuban; Cuban food, Cuban principles, Cuban family, Cuban life! If anything, you are more Cuban than that lady is... you're the real deal!

When it comes to things like this, the Cuban culture, due to the disastrous effect of Castro's power, has become some sort of cultural difusion phenomenon. The best I can say is, follow your heart. Your heart pulls you to the Cuban in you. No one can tell you what you are, only you can say who you are.

[Ana]

Thank you so much for those words. In my heart I know that I am Cuban and it is so frustrating to sometimes feel like an outsider with other Cubans. My parents brought us to the United States and moved us to VA with the hope and expectation of assimilating and belonging here. But our Cuban values and traditions were an integral part of how we were raised. Because I am around Americans I need that Cuban connection more than ever. I miss my mom saying "In Cuba _______ was so much better." It didn't matter if we were talking about ice cream, how blue the sky was or the beaches, it was always better in Cuba!
Ana

[Val Prieto]

Ana,

My condolences on the passing of your mom.

I get the "you arent even cuban" all the time as well, despite the fact that I live in Miami. I agree with Laura above, la Cubanidad is in your heart and is the one thing noone can take away from you.

I guess a response to naysayers like that lady could be one like I use to those that argue that God does not exist. Its not up to me to prove he exists, its up to them to try to prove he doesnt. Same thing with being Cuban, its not up to you to prove it, let them try - and always fail - to prove that you arent.

Stand tall, Cubanita.

[Robert]

Ana,

You're not alone, nor is your issue unique only to those who live outside of what I affectionately refer to as "Cuba's Northernmost Province". I am born and raised in Miami, and there are always those who like to stereotype people into neat predictable categories, whether in Miami or elsewhere. I have blue eyes, don't use the latest Havana lingo, nor dress in guayaberads all the time, but it always cracks me up when people can't believe that I am of Cuban heritage. Perish the thought! Also, not every Cuban-American from Miami speaks the same way or uses the most recent Cuban slang. Besides our "Miami accent" (not a Spanish accent, there's a difference), we can't really be categorized that easily based purely on physical traits and speech.

The moral of my story: being Cuban is INSIDE of you...not what you look like or wear on your sleeve. Seems to me like you've meet all the requirements for being Cuban in my book.

All the best,

Robert

[Lori]

Ana,

Do not pay attention to what anyone tells you regarding who or what you are. You know what you are better than anyone else, and nobody should fit a mold, as we aren't robots or come from a particular manufacturer.

You are what you feel and with us, who grew up between two cultures, it is safe to say, you are what you feel you are at any given moment and depending what string is pulled.

I don't know what the purpose behind what that woman or women were saying to you was, but I suspect that envy played a part in it.

You are Cuban if you feel Cuban, or American if you feel American, but you can also be both and be very proud of it as well.

best regards,

[Marta]

Ana,

I hope it's obvious from the other comments here that you're not alone in how you're feeling.

I can see that you are very proud of the many sacrifices your Cuban parents made to give you a life here. And you should be.

I, too, live in a "non-Cuban" area of the country. And speak more English than Spanish. I describe myself as living on the hyphen. I'm 100% Cuban and 100% American, or a proud Cuban-American. It's obvious to me that you are too.

(P.S. I don't "look Cuban" either)

Besos,
Marta

[Melek]

Ana,

Ditto on the above comments! I can relate to you too. My parents left Cuba in 1962 and we ended up settling in Puerto Rico. A beautiful island(my second home), where it was easier for the Cuban culture to blend with the Puerto Rican culture ... however, we never view it as leaving behind our Cuban heritage or culture, but as enrichement of our heritage with the Puerto Rican and American cultures. How fortunate!! Not only that, but I'm Cuban-Lebanese ... so as you can imagine ... all these different cultures fused and became my culture and the one that is shared with my children, who happen to be American (1/2 Turkish;1/4 Cuban and 1/4 Lebanese) And they proudly are American first, but also embrace their rich heritage. You can imagine how diverse (and yummy)is our Thanksgiving menu! :)

I have also been told that I don't look Cuban. To which I reply that like this great country, Cuba was a mosaic composed of many different nationalities and ethnicities ... and thus the stereotype is not applicable. I take the opportunity to "educate" them. In speaking Spanish, I don't sound like the stereotypical Cuban accent, to the point where I have been told by Cubans in Miami that I'm just trying to pass as a Cuban ... what a chuckle! I'm proud to say that I'm a citizen of this great country and enjoy all its freedoms and privileges ... maybe the USA is one of the few countries in the world "where "multicultarism" is alive. A country that allows us to value our individual heritages and beliefs while respecting those of others.

Ana, I tend to be wordy, but my advice to you is to remember that the things other people say and think about you are not your reality. You determine your reality. You have every right and ability to decide for yourself who you are. Don't let others "define" you! You think and believe you are Cuban, therefore that's who you are!

I wish you well :) Melek

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."~ Wayne Dyer

[Ana]

WOW, I am so grateful to each and every one of you that has responded. It's so great hearing from other Cubans that are each diverse and unique people but still "Cuban". It makes me more proud than ever to be a Cuban American. As I said, I think I am having difficulty with all of this because my mami is no longer here to remind me who I am. But at the same time, I am fortunate to have the loving and wonderful memories of two strong Cubans who had more courage and determination than I could ever hope to have. We Cuban-Americans are diverse, we live in different states and even different countries but we all share the strong connection to our Cuban roots because of our heroic parents that had the courage to leave Cuba and start over. I will be eternally grateful to my parents for allowing me the opportunities I sometimes take for granted living in the United States.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read what I wrote and your wonderful responses!

[Octavio]

Claudia and Ana:
I was born in Cuba, moved to the U. S. in 1960, and have never returned to "mi patria querida". I proudly became a citizen of the United States as soon as I could, and have been an emotional and vocal defender of this, the greatest country in the world, through all my travels accross all continents as a Corporate Executive. Still and all, I shall always also be a Cuban and proud of it.
It is not the first time a people and culture are split and spread about by cruel tyrannies. Observe the Jews in Spain during and after Inquisition. They went everywhere, strenghened their countries of destination, but continued to be Jews.
Being Cuban is very similar.
We are pulled together by history, blood, culture, traditions, character and all of the traits that make a unity of diverse people. Now, that strength is even greater because we have added "deep love for the USA" as one of the common threads.
Be proud
Octavio

[Ana]

I could not agree more. The love and pride my parents instilled in me for the United States is great. I choke up each and every time I hear the national anthem because it reminds me not only of this great country but also of the one we left behind. I have been voting since I turned 18 and I am the first person to defend the United States when others (including many Americans) find fault with it. The Cuban Americans are very proud of being Cuban but also of being American and of this country where the possibilities are endless!

[Amy]

Ana,

I was born in Southern California and my Mom is the Cuban one. My dad is German so I have light skin and blond hair. Only 1 Cuban parent and I had to practice speaking Spanish with a Cuban accent because the only people who speak Spanish out here are the Mexicans. (And we speak English at home because my Dad doesn't know too much Spanish)
I get ridiculously excited when I meet another Cuban and it hurts to the core if they tell me I'm not really Cuban. I've even had non-Cubans tell me I'm not really Cuban.
But I've finally realized that I AM Cuban and now smile at that look of disbelief when I tell someone I'm Cuban.

And when they say,"But you don't look Cuban . . ."
I always reply,"Then what do Cubans look like?" :-)

[Mamey]

Ana, Amy et al.: Amy, my daughter is blonde but her parents are not. When she was little we took her to a TV commercial try-out in Spanish. The idiots in charge rejected her after the initial acceptance because she "didn't look Latina." We all know that Latins come in various flavors, just like Americans in the USA. You can always ask "What do Americans look like?"
Being Cuban, of course, has to do with culture and self-identification, not with blood or any specific genotype.

[Tomas Estrada-Palma]

Thanks Ana...my family and I know how you feel...

[Ana]

If any of you are interested I would really like to communicate further. Let me know if maybe we can exchange emails? Thanks and have a great Thanksgiving!

Ana

[Jonathan]

Ana,
My name is Jonathan. I live in the Chicago area. i am a native of Los Angeles, California. My mother, who's parents' are Cuban, was born in Chicago. My father was born in Chicago. His father is Mexican, born in Chicago. And his mother is Sicilian, born in Palermo. I was raised by my father in California until the age of five. I then moved to Chicago with my mother and have lived here ever since. I speak Spanish very well. I am told by everyone that I speak "Cuban Spanish or Puerto Rican Spanish", which I think has a lot to do with our Carribean location. But there are many Cubans that tell me I have to be 100% Cuban to really be able to claim it. I feel that I am just as Cuban as the Cubans still living on the island. I know who I am, how I grew up, and how I was raised. Just remember that